Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Television's prominent comedians used the broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, labeled the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins everything he touches."

The focus was the controversial program that permits foreign citizens to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, or "top-tier" version for $5 million. The program's portal pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One message here to affluent applicants: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also meant to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best screening the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll numbers during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.